Is therapy vital to sexual reassignment?

[enlightenme]

I've recently begun dating a transgender MTF. She never went through the therapy or resocialization suggested by WPATH clinging to the sentence that "some may not need it". Her reasoning is that she passed the psych test to join the police force, so why should she see a therapist? Instead, she just ran off to another country to have the SRS done.

This aspect really comes through in her everyday life. Being a genetic girl myself, when we go out, she's more like a bull in a china shop than anything else. She does things that no woman would ever do (fart in public, make out at a straight bar for the attention). She's asked me to help her point out when she's not acting like a woman, but every time I do, I'm met with the statement that I'm "internalizing homophobia".

Quite frankly, I don't think a request such as "Please don't grab my @$$ in front of small children" is internalizing homophobia...

I don't think I am...most lesbians I know (myself included) wouldn't make out at a straight bar just for the attention.

I see her wanting to show off her new, post op body all the time, but again, she's missing the point. Most women don't want to bring that sort of attention to themselves.

Basically, I've got a stubborn, hard headed "teenager" on my hands.

I really like this girl, and it'll break my heart if this becomes the deal breaker, but how do I help her see that not getting therapy was a huge mistake and to listen when I tell her that genetic women do not blow their nose at the table while others are eating and don't usually go hanging out at hot tubs at the bar just to show off their bodies and mostly don't fart in public?

I realize that some of you may see this as sexism or trying to change a person, to which you might be right. I'm open minded enough to accept that of myself. Honestly, I view it as helping this woman to become all the woman she can be. She still acts like a man most of the time and this is already hurting her in everyday society. I see it and she doesn't.

I'm just trying to understand here and really become a better person myself. If I'm wrong, please correct me, but please don't be hateful. I'm a cisgender woman trying to get the TS/TG point of view and information direct from the horse's mouth...

[Sam]

The therapy won't 'teach' you how not to be a 'bull in a china shop'.

What therapy does is try to eliminate any other condition that would possibly make us think we're trans. And maybe equip us with some coping mechanisms. And that's about it.

The truth is most of us go through therapy because that's the way it 'should' be done... and no surgeon (following the WPATH /SOC would operate otherwise). Getting hormones is easy in most cases. Either on the street, on internet or through a therapist... which isn't something that's hard to do - In US it take 2 visits to the therapist (IIRC - may be wrong tho) and, really, does anyone think it takes any effort to 'con' a therapist into doing what you want them to do?

So no, the therapy would probably not do much for your girlfriend in the way you'd like it to. Therapy doesn't make us stop behaving like teenagers... it's what hormones do, make us go through something like a second puberty (not exactly... but let's keep it simple). Also, the new found freedom makes us do silly things.

If you want her to be more feminine in her behaviour (farting, nose blowing, etc)... that's some other therapy you want. Not the therapy that deals with GID (we deal with psychiatrists and psychologists... they don't teach people how to behave). I think there's some 'lady coaches' around (hell if I know what term they use...).

[Andina]

After being suppressed and acting the wrong gender all your life it is an incredible relief and elation when those burdens are lifted. All the things you wanted to do all your life are now open to you. It is hard to suppress enthusiasm. I tended to overdo makeup, "hooker" style clothing, high heels, outrageous earrings, etc..

So it will take time for the exhilaration to wear off, it took about 3 or 4 years for me to get over it and become a "normal" female.

[enlightenme]

Ok...I get it now. I thank you both for correcting my ignorance. I really just want to understand and I'm glad you didn't see it as an attack.

[SentientTgurl2]

For younger people surgery might not be as essential since you've not had to live possibly decades on end as what you percieve to be as the wrong gender, but for older people who might have more on their plate, more to break free from, and more to learn as a woman it is essential.
It's all about how you deal with integration

[Sam]

I'm glad you didn't see it as an attack.

Why would we? We're here for everyone... In fact, and I believe I speak for most of us, we'd like more SO's to come around and ask their questions in order to better understand things. So feel free to ask... if there's more.

BTW... I've been in therapy for nearly 2 years now. It didn't do much for me. Practically nothing... After my third session the therapist said... "You're a textbook case... so... I don't think there's much we can do but we should at least meet once in a while to keep up appearances." - she's not the actual gatekeeper... there's a commission she reports to and they decide what to do with the patients. So there you have it... my therapist told me therapy isn't essential. But then again... she's awesome. First thing she said after finding out why I'm there: "I'm not here to help you, I'm here to try and talk you out of it.".

It is, however, essential for some people as it can get hard to cope with certain changes in their lives.

Love,
Sam

[aliciadarling]

Hi:

I'm guessing that in time she will learn from the school of hard knocks.

[enlightenme]

I know...I guess when you really care about someone, Alicia, you just don't want to see them have to go through all of that, you know?

[aliciadarling]

I know...I guess when you really care about someone, Alicia, you just don't want to see them have to go through all of that, you know?

Hi:

Unfortunately that is the only way some of us learn.

The wiser ones of us learn and those who don't go back for seconds and thirds. No matter what there is always someone out there who will give us an attitude adjustment sooner or later.

Hopefully in time she will tone it down, but maybe she is going to need some kind of wakeup call before that happens.

You care about her, but she seems to have a huge chip on her shoulder at the moment and is literally asking for someone to knock it off.

Its sad for you, but she is asking for it as you seem to know, and when we do that eventually it does bite us in the ass.

[Gracie]

Why the female superior tone? I would be hurt by a lot of what u say about someone u love.

The bull in china shop was very insensitive, I feel, what if she read this? She'd be crying.
Presentation is individual and everyone farts, this thing that women don't fart,sweat,burp, is unbelievable, wow...if u love her then her presentation is best to lead by example and love.
Therapy isn't an ettiquette class, its a diagnostic tool, that some people use in punitive ways.
I believe police have lots of privledges so they might be able to do things in public other people would be questioned about.

[aliciadarling]

Why the female superior tone? I would be hurt by a lot of what u say about someone u love.

The bull in china shop was very insensitive, I feel, what if she read this? She'd be crying.
Presentation is individual and everyone farts, this thing that women don't fart,sweat,burp, is unbelievable, wow...if u love her then her presentation is best to lead by example and love.
Therapy isn't an ettiquette class, its a diagnostic tool, that some people use in punitive ways.
I believe police have lots of privledges so they might be able to do things in public other people would be questioned about.

Thats a lie! Women "fluff".

And if anyone overhears they giggle.

I have a feeling were not talking about Joe Friday here. Just the facts ma'am.

[Vicarious]

She does things that no woman would ever do (fart in public, make out at a straight bar for the attention). She's asked me to help her point out when she's not acting like a woman, but every time I do, I'm met with the statement that I'm "internalizing homophobia".

*laughs* You are reminding me of my Nessa here! She is a MTF, too...and lets just say she is more "guy-acting" than I am... She grew up in a house where everyone has a burping contest (including her mom) and she farts in public etc... Part of it I think is living for most of your life one way and then *presto chango* you are expected to act in a whole different way! It is enough to make your head spin!

Asking her to not do things that make you uncomfortable is perfectly reasonable, but don't expect her to follow through. Not all cisgirls are "lady-like," you know. The "internalizing homopphobia" is quite... extreme. You are trying to help. Asfor making out in a straight bar, I dated a girl (when I id'd as female) who liked to hold hands/make out in public for the looks, too.

I'm with others here, she needs more of a coach, not a therapist. But only if she wants it! SAying she is "acting like a man" is a bit harsh. She is acting like a person. Gender roles are a bit silly. Coming from a transman this may sound silly BUT I didn't think I am a man because I fit the role better. I do, but I don't fit completely. I chose it because of an internal feeling. And that's about all I can say ATM... hope I helped and wasn't too harsh >.<

[♥Muffin♥]

I've met MTF TS's that still act and even talk very much like a guy. Yet, personally I find it extremely confusing. If they claim to be female then why do they act like a guy? To me that is not what a transsexual is.
A qualified psychiatrist or gender specialist should of picked up on this behaviour straight away as it's just not right.
Being transsexual and having GID is basically, in this case, being a woman trapped in a guy's body, not a guy trapped in a guys body :S
I've never felt the need for a therapist for myself as I feel content with who I am and no one around me as ever had an issue that would suggest the need for a therapist. BUT.. I will seriously suggest that you try and get your partner to see someone, perhaps a psychologist that specialists in psychosis.. although easier said than done right :/ If this bothers you then you really should mention it and try your best to explain it in a diplomatic way... good luck!