The Inernational Women´s Day

[annemarie]

I´m not a feminist. Well not until I started to work that is. Working as a secritary its a typical female work but as you know I´ve also have worked a bit as a consultant, part time that is.
It didn´t took me long to realize this is the men´s world. Yes it was hard for me but I think I did fine. My boss had nothing to complain about. I did my job very well.

The first time I was real nervouse. I was the youngest person there, I was new at what I was doing and I was the only woman there.
The men they was all older then me. Some one could even have been my father. Can´t say they treated me bad. They was holding up the doors for me, pulling out my chair, let me sit down before they did. Thins like that. They treated me as a lady.
What they NOT did was to lissten to me me and what I had to say. They seemed to be more intereseted in my legs, how I looked, how I was dressed.
Sometime the gave me that bit of patronizing look or trying to tell me "I shoulden´t need too bothere with all this, its a man´s work" or "that women should be staying at home".
Ofcourse they didn´t told me this right in my face, it was just a feeling I had. Still I wanted to carry on with this job. Why? Well because I think I was good at it and I thin they need a woman there too.

At that time I also became a step mother. Still I wanted to go on with this work. I was hoping my boss would give me this promotion but didn´t.

I´ve a feeling I didn´t got this promotion not because I´m a TG person but because I´m a woman and a mother.
This all made me realize YES its a men´s world out there and it is much harder for me to have a career not just because I´m a TG person but because I´m a woman too.

Still in the year of 2010 some men thinks a woman´s place are in the home.

So yes I guess I´m a feminist and yes The International Women´s Day are surely needed. What do you think?

Hugs
Annemarie

[aliciadarling]

I'm very much a feminist.

Subservience is for suckers.

[annemarie]

Yes me too I´m feminist and all my girl freinds are too. Guess I´m the same as my mother and my grandmother. I do most of the work in the house. I do all the cockings, all the cleaning, all the washing of our clothes that´s sort of things, just as my mother and grandmother. All my girl freinds are doinng the same too.
This is ok with me. This is a a thing, a deal between Peter and me. I´m doing the tings I´m good at and he´s doing the things he´s good at and I know Peter is helping me if I´m asking.
My girl freinds are the same as me. This is a husband/wife thing.

What upset me and I think every other woman is feeling the same is when its comes to the buisness world its still the men´s world. I mean its still the same as it was when my mother was young or when my grandmother was young.
Nothing has realy changed. Its still the men´s world. That´s why I´m a feminist. I´m not a millitant feminist. Far from it but I do mean we women shall be given the same chanse as men when it comes to promotion. I also think we women shall get paid the same as the men for the same work.
I was paid less then my male colleagues. I was very upset about this. I asked my boss why?

He told me I was new at the job. That was true. I accept this but I certainly not accept, when he told me as a women yes I had to accept I was less paid then my male colleagues.
I wanted to discuss this with him but I just coulden´t. I was young, I was shy, I was alone. I was the only woman there. It was me against all the men. What was I´m suposed to do. So I just sat there, had to accept this. I did it just the same way a woman is suposed to do. I did nothing because that´s the way women are brought up to do and I´m the same.
That´s why I´m a feminist.

Hugs
Annemarie

[aliciadarling]

Hi:

I agree that its still very much of an old boys club, but things have changed and will change in the future as the younger generations of women strive for better educations and careers as doctors, lawyers or engineers.

Unfortunately women in fields as secretaries, word processors, etc. are often amongst the lowest paid, least respected and now less and less in demand.

Here in Canada there are a lot of women in education and it actually is well paid and respected here as opposed to some parts of the US. Nursing is also a respectable and reasonably well paid profession.

Money is power and most of that is owned by the men of the world. Land is also a source of power and most of that belongs to men also, and at one time only men inherited it or even had the right to vote.

[annemarie]

Hi Alicia

I agree with all what you´re saying. I picked a female type of work, a secretary job and a female kind of education. Just the same type of education and work women has done for ages.

I´m sure I could had go on working as a secritary even if Peter and I had moved. I could take the train from home to work.
I can´t get pregnant, I can´t get chldren but as any other woman I´d been dreaming of founding the right man for me, we having kids.
I did find MY MAN, Peter and the longing to Peter and me raising a family just become bigger and bigger inside of me.
Me becoming William´s step mother was one of the best thing happened to me but at the same time me becoming a mother I knew my life would be different in every way.

There´s no way I can possibly comute between home and the office being a mommie to a four year old son. If I did I would me away from home every day to much. Guess if William had been older perhaps this could have worked for me but not now when William is still a little boy.

I want William to have a little brother or a sister. The clock inside of me is ticking, as they say also for me. I´m getting older and if Peter and I shall doing an adoption now is the time.

I know this would change things a lot for me having a little baby to take care of but I would love to do it. I know if we do this adoption I would have to stop working completely for a year or two. I would certainly have to stop from working at my future part time job as a sale´s lady but I would gladly do it.

I hope, I dream that in the future when my children are older I´m able go back finding me a full time secritary job.
I know it would be hard finding one but I hope to do.

Hugs
Annemarie

[aliciadarling]

Hi:

There are women who juggle careers and raising a family but it isn't easy. If being a mother and raising children full time is what you want to do and what makes you happy then thats what you should do.

I wouldn't worry so much about not being considered for that promotion since you are doing something that will make you happier, and happiness is more important than a minor promotion.

Maybe you can find some satisfying part time job and make new friends in your new location.

[almost2innocent]

I'm a feminist, but I believe that being subservient isn't always about losing power. Often, it's our biggest strength.

Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to:

Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
Express their needs while also respecting their husband's choices
Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands
Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage - from sexual to financial...and more.

I forgot to mention to everyone on here... My partner proposed, and I'm getting married in a quiet ceremony in December. My partner is fine with me transitioning, and we're going to be spending a lot more time together working on our relationship.

He's asked me to give up work, but I'll do volunteer work abroad where we'll live together, and I might work three days a week in total, but my place is at home, not in the work force.

My partner will pay for my SRS when i've had hormonal therapy and hair removal where it needs removing.

I'd rather let a man do all the thinking and choosing. It saves me the stress, and though i do sometimes get that patronising 'look'... well, it's worth it, because I have my man at the end of the day, and I will always have freedom of thought :0)

xxx

[AlisonRain2]

no, trust me, you're most definitely not a feminist.
nothing i consciously do throughout my day is done with thought to how it might please, belittle, demean, stress-out, or flatter some guy.
i surrender agency and power to no one, neither man nor woman. no one lays claim to it, either through actions or virtue, especially not by accident of XY inclusion.

[Microodyke]

Almost, you're going back to the guy who abused you? And you are going to let yourself be isolated at home? Make sure you have an escape plan mapped out, you just might need it.

[Tawny Frogmouth]

I'm a feminist...

Ummm...

I'd rather let a man do all the thinking and choosing.

... no.

[nexyjo]

yeah, i saw this thread, and decided to stay a million miles away.

i'd say that i'm a student of feminism, but there's been too much bad blood between those who call themselves feminists, and those of the "trans community", whatever that is.

i'll never call myself a feminist. but i will call myself trans.

[DYSSONANCE]

I'm a feminist...

Ummm...

I'd rather let a man do all the thinking and choosing.

... no.

Well...

Strictly speaking, one of the goals of feminism is to allow a woman to make that choice if she wants to do so.

[Tawny Frogmouth]

Impressive. I had no idea that a meat tenderizer could split a hair that fine.

[aliciadarling]

Hi:

The basic premise here is that women should have equal rights to men to education, employment, owning property, voting and such. Its true that some feminist activists have crapped all over the trans community and deserve no respect in return, but that doesn't mean that feminism is a bad thing in principle.

My wife was in several relationships that included marriage before she and I married. What they all had in common was that the guy became abusive either physically or emotionally to her after a while. If a husband is the ideal type who treats his wife with respect and dignity its one matter, but some think of their wives as servants who must obey their every whim, no matter what and that she should not have any say in decisions. Should someone be a slave to that kind of husband and get slapped around or made to feel emotionally battered?

Not that long ago women were either housewives, "spinsters" or funneled into menial jobs as cleaning women, secretaries or similar positions. They weren't allowed to vote or even own land. They weren't even supposed to get as good an education as men since doors were closed to them anyways even if they did.

[DYSSONANCE]

Impressive. I had no idea that a meat tenderizer could split a hair that fine.

You haven't seen me cook lately, have you? hee hee hee

[almost2innocent]

I'm studying feminist theory, and I believe that it's ultimately about choice. 'Feminism' as most people percieve it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. Being a radical sometimes is about choosing to not to be a radical at all.

In The Feminine Mystique, the late Betty Friedan attributed the malaise of married women largely to traditionalist marriages in which wives ran the home and men did the bread-winning. Her book helped spark the sexual revolution of the 1970s and fueled the notion that egalitarian partnerships—where both partners have domestic responsibilities and pursue jobs—would make wives happier. Last week, two sociologists at the University of Virginia published an exhaustive study of marital happiness among women that challenges this assumption. Stay-at-home wives, according to the authors, are more content than their working counterparts. And happiness, they found, has less to do with division of labor than with the level of commitment and "emotional work" men contribute (or are perceived to contribute). But the most interesting data may be that the women who strongly identify as progressive—the 15 percent who agree most with feminist ideals—have a harder time being happy than their peers, according to an analysis that has been provided exclusively to Slate. Feminist ideals, not domestic duties, seem to be what make wives morose. Progressive married women—who should be enjoying some or all of the fruits that Freidan lobbied for—are less happy, it would appear, than women who live as if Friedan never existed.

http://www.slate.com/id/2137537/

Personally, I'd rather a man felt he was taking the lead. Not because I'm stupid, or passive, or want to be dominated, but simply because in my experience, men [even shy ones], don't like to feel as though as a woman is in control.

Men might admire strong women as peers/friends, but they're never going to have a family with them, or get married to them. We all want to think we've evolved beyond gender stereotypes, but instead of trying to blow them away, making them work for us, and embracing our differences, can be more useful and liberating. Men and women are not the same. If they were, I'd not have had to transition.

I'm talking about personal relationships. This isn't anything to do with our careers, freedom of speech, right to vote or equality in the modern world. It's just I find that no matter how much someone says that they don't care about not having a successful relationship with a partner, they actually do care a lot. Personally, I want nothing more than a succesful marriage. I want to grow old with my future husband, and I want a ton of grandchildren running around on my porch.

'Surrendering' isn't about letting someone crap all over you. It's about giving up trying to control everything, and by doing that, you can just learn to take things as they come, and for me, that's been hard to do.

It's down to personal preference. Not everyone wants the same things as I do.

Regarding my partner, I honestly think he has changed, and I believe that we can work through our problems. He's proposed with a ring (something he didn't do before - he'd never given me a ring). His family and my family have met up, and they're treating me a lot better now. I have a safety net (which I saved up from working in England this past year) incase anything happens in Thailand again. He's stopped drinking and taking drugs, and also, i've taken a good look at myself. It's not easy looking in the mirror.

I can't change him. But i can change myself.

[aliciadarling]

Hi Rachel:

Quote: "Regarding my partner, I honestly think he has changed, and I believe that we can work through our problems. He's proposed with a ring (something he didn't do before - he'd never given me a ring). His family and my family have met up, and they're treating me a lot better now. I have a safety net (which I saved up from working in England this past year) incase anything happens in Thailand again. He's stopped drinking and taking drugs, and also, i've taken a good look at myself. It's not easy looking in the mirror.

I can't change him. But i can change myself."

You had better tread carefully there and watch for any signs of abuse. Sometimes people are on their best behavior until the trap has been set or they have the upper hand.

Your last line sounds as if it could be a warning sign. Past abuse is a pretty good warning sign of future abuse and there should be a zero tolerance of it.

[Tawny Frogmouth]

"It's a man's world" is not a feminist perspective.

"Maybe I can change myself so my partner won't abuse me" is exactly the kind of internalized misogyny that feminism stands against.

Yes, you have the right to choose your life. But please don't call it feminism.

[almost2innocent]

He and I have been through a lot together, and I'll be transitioning with him. I don't think he'll abuse me, but should anything happen, I'll not hesitate to get out.

We've had a break for a year, and I think the breathing space has done us both a lot of good

You had better tread carefully there and watch for any signs of abuse. Sometimes people are on their best behavior until the trap has been set or they have the upper hand.

Your last line sounds as if it could be a warning sign. Past abuse is a pretty good warning sign of future abuse and there should be a zero tolerance of it.

[annemarie]

Hi Rachel

I see your boyfreind has finelly proposed to you and you´r going to marry him. OH THAT´S WONDERFULL NEWS. You must tell us all about it.

No Rachel, you´re not subservient if you´re desided to stay at home when you get marrried. In my world this has nothing to do being a feminist or not. Its a deal between you and your husband.
Peter and I have done exact the same. I´m doing the things I´m doing best at home like coking, washing all our clothes, things like that while Peter is doing the things he´s doing best.

I´m sure your future husband will gladly let you go on working if that´s what you want. Just like Peter did. I´m sure your future husband will understand you and see it your way, just like Peter did. The best thing to do is you two are talking about how you´re feeling about this. I´m sure he´ll understand you, let you go on working having a real job.

I think, I know you probably going to have the same feeling that I had. Wanting to have a family, to have children. Perhaps you too can adopt children like me. You becoming a mother, ist just a wonderful thing. If you do and when you do you have to think it all over again. If you will go on working or not. I´m sure you´re going to come to this that you will go on working but at the same time you´re first and for all a wife and a mother. Nothing can change that. But what ever you do you got to letg your boyfreind/husband knows your feelings.

Being a feminist to me is that we women shall be given the same chance as men in working life, in buisness life. We shall get paid the same as the men doing the same job.

Once again CONGRATULATION to you both and your upcoming wedding. You know Rachel I know the feeling. Peter and I are going to be married later this summer. I can´t wait being the real Mrs Berg.

I`M SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Hugs
Annemarie