ShakeBunny100489 wrote:Can anyone offer any advice at all?
You know those people who are like "you already know the answers to all your questions" in the movies and shit? I'm like that.
Which means that all the answers to your questions are really in the above, but you might not see it as clearly. So I'm going to try and give you some advice, as you asked, and more I'm going to try and help you figure this out for yourself.
ShakeBunny100489 wrote:So, everything is going great, except for one thing: I can't seem to dress like a girl the way every other MtF girl I know does.
I saw this, and I immediately had one of those "a-ha!" moments, only it had nothing to do with a band. Or a really cool video. No, it had to do with the way you wrote the above, which I'm willing to bet is close to the way you thought about the above.
And that was verified when you said this:
ShakeBunny100489 wrote:It doesn't seem to be as big an issue for any other trans-women I know. They all seem really, really eager to try new things on, and look really feminine, but it scares me to death. I don't feel like I want to dress that way very often, and when I do, I try it, and end up freaking out. I don't understand why it's so hard for me.
Here' s the thing:
You are a woman who doesn't enjoy looking really feminine. That's why it is so hard for you.
See? That wasn't very hard, was it?
This might surprise you, but there are trans women who are more butch than some of the most macho men I know. They give hard core boi-dykes a run for their money.
THere are cis women who are butch, as well.
Now, you might be saying, about now, that you aren't really all that butch, either.
Well, in that case, welcome to the world where most of us hang out. I'm not all that feminine myself. I tend to be more on the femme side, but then I'm also doing stupid shit like welding in a skirt and heels.
I do not feel comfortable in pants. And yet, jeans are pants, and I feel fine in them. What that means is that I don't wear pants.
But I do wear jeans. I have all the skirts and shit, but then, keep in mind, I also had a closet long ago that was all suits, dress shirts, slacks, ties, and had absolutely no jeans or anything remotely possibly girly in it.
SO I'm probably compensating in more than one way there.
You are worried, though, that you don't seem to like the same things other trans women like.
I don't know very many Trans women who are interested in the way that as you brush off a layer of dust on a tablet made 6,000 years ago that the letters that probably haven't been read by a living soul in 5,000 years are suddenly there for you to see before anyone else in the world.
I don't know many trans women who find all that much interesting or exciting about the writings of Thomas Paine or Thomas Carlyle. And while there are a few who have the interest in Simone de Beauvior's work, few of them are interested in the way that she influenced Sartre and vice versa on a more philosophical level.
And there are, most sadly, very few trans women in my area who can talk intelligently to the comparisons between Lakota and Timor native views on what is Holy and how that differs from the western ideas and concepts around it.
For me, the skirt thing is one of the few things I do have in common with most trans women.
My point here is that I think perhaps you are caught up a little too much on trying to be like other people.
Don't do that.
Stop that. Right now.
You should be focused on being like, well, Jamie. Like *you*.
Hard habit to break, I know, but believe me, it is totally worthwhile. ANd you probably would feel a heck of a lot better.
ShakeBunny100489 wrote: I have enough of a wardrobe that I could dress like that most of the time, but when I do put something on, I don't feel happy in it.
Not to mention, you'd probably save a lot of money.
ShakeBunny100489 wrote:Is it possible I'm not trans at all, because I don't want to dress like a girl?
No. That, alone, has nothing whatsoever to do with your being trans or not. That has to do with finding your own personal style or not.
There are multiple forms of dysphoria. One is physical, one is social. Sometimes they combine. Sometimes they don't.
You need to take the time to find out what you feel comfortable dressed as. And then dress that way. It will make you more comfortable and that will in turn make you feel less like a fifth wheel.
There is an extraordinarily high amount of focus on "girly shit" in the trans community for women. But that doesn't mean the trans community is about girly shit for women.
Trish is right: Relax.
That means you might need to go and find out who you are, first. ANd if that's the case, then you've got an adventure waiting, and you should probably get busy...