Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

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Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby Monty » Wed Jan 12, 2011 2:31 am

Well, hello everyone.

I guess first things first. Im a genetic guy, I consider myself to be a gay man and ive recently met and, well im still a lil bit unsure if its dating yet or just, playing around..i dunno. But I recently met a rather cute guy who let me know after a few days that hes a ftm. Considers himself to be a "submissive gay man, in a females body". But since hes just adoreable and actually has the same dark sense of humor i have.., I cant see saying no to dating.

Ive really NO experience with this and its been.. a rather stressing past few weeks. It took me years to stop my own self hatred, hating being gay. Now ive met this guy and im having a really hard time grasping a lot of things. Im gay, I was attracted to a man, am attracted to him, while hes very passable, the fact whats in his pants is different than mine bothers me a lot.

I find it really hard to talk about this with him and am more than a bit afraid to talk openly. Like i might say the wrong thing, offend him and since things got rather.."hot and heavy" last weekend and i stopped it from going anywhere, since.. well, what id normally have done, i cant do. Dont know what he expects that i should do.

What can i say, i just dont want to embarass myself here. I know im going to eventually have to have the talk with him. but i feel like im 12, not 30 all of a sudden, just unsure of everything and really not wanting to screw this up. I did reconnect with an old friend who is ftm and has been so for a long time, but hes rather useless with his advice.

I guess im just looking for advice and wanting to know if anyone here has been in my shoes.
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Re: Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby nexyjo » Wed Jan 12, 2011 6:04 am

welcome monty!

i'm not sure what kind of advise you're looking for. if you like him, i can only say be honest with him. to me, communication in a relationship is one of the building blocks. if you have trouble talking to him, perhaps that an indication of something deeper.
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Re: Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby VisualkeiGoth » Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:14 am

Hi Monty, I am also an FTM and I'm Gay. Getting past whats in his pants has to do with how you veiw him. You who are attracted to men, are obviously attracted to him, and that's because he is male. It seemed like he wants you to top him from what you wrote. So what's the reason you can't engage in anal sex? You also need to indentify what his boundies are, because I myself don't like anyone in the front. I've actually never done it that way. He may feel the same. Also, just because you are attracted to a man who doesn't have the exact same parts that you have doesn't make you any less gay. What are your fears about it? Also I have to thank you for coming here to seek answers. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing so much as making sure you talk to him. If you want to message me to discuss this further thats fine.

What if I'm not the same
What if I never let go of the blame
What if you drag me back again
What if I would let you just pretend
I erase this memory
I escape this gravity
Is that how I used to be
Is that the price of my
identity?

V.K.G.
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Re: Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby Andina » Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:42 am

Welcome. It sounds like you are a caring person and will take things slowly. There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't know what to do." Good luck.
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Re: Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby SarahElizabeth » Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:20 pm

Monty wrote:Well, hello everyone.

I guess first things first. Im a genetic guy, I consider myself to be a gay man and ive recently met and, well im still a lil bit unsure if its dating yet or just, playing around..i dunno. But I recently met a rather cute guy who let me know after a few days that hes a ftm. Considers himself to be a "submissive gay man, in a females body". But since hes just adoreable and actually has the same dark sense of humor i have.., I cant see saying no to dating.

Ive really NO experience with this and its been.. a rather stressing past few weeks. It took me years to stop my own self hatred, hating being gay. Now ive met this guy and im having a really hard time grasping a lot of things. Im gay, I was attracted to a man, am attracted to him, while hes very passable, the fact whats in his pants is different than mine bothers me a lot.

I find it really hard to talk about this with him and am more than a bit afraid to talk openly. Like i might say the wrong thing, offend him and since things got rather.."hot and heavy" last weekend and i stopped it from going anywhere, since.. well, what id normally have done, i cant do. Dont know what he expects that i should do.

What can i say, i just dont want to embarass myself here. I know im going to eventually have to have the talk with him. but i feel like im 12, not 30 all of a sudden, just unsure of everything and really not wanting to screw this up. I did reconnect with an old friend who is ftm and has been so for a long time, but hes rather useless with his advice.

I guess im just looking for advice and wanting to know if anyone here has been in my shoes.


Never be afraid to talk to your friend. Communication is the secret to any lasting relationship.
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Re: Hello all, a gay man dating a ftm

Postby FTMichael » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:08 pm

You might like http://transdude.com/ . You wouldn't be the only gay cis guy with a Trans partner on there. :)

Also check out http://soffa.transmentors.org/ , http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Online ... t#Partners , and http://community.livejournal.com/any_bodied_men/ .

You might also find Raven Kaldera's TransPersonal columns helpful. I highly recommend them. :) http://ravenkaldera.org/activism/transpersonal.html
'To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'
--e.e. cummings
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